My Life Through The Hole Of A Bagel

Like many things we can’t seem to control, bagels have gone through an evolution. Whether they needed to or not is worthy of debate. I grew up in New York and bagels were and still are part of the fabric of daily life. Who doesn’t start their day with a bagel and a schmear? In the old days, you couldn’t walk up Broadway on the upper west side past H&H bagels in the early morning without the flour dust kicking up from the huge flour stacks that were just delivered. Now H&H has moved to some fancy joint on Columbus Circle and they’ve franchised. What has the world come to? 

Whether you walk into a deli or pick one up from a street cart, bagels are everywhere, every day. But they are not the same. Back in the day, they came in a uniform size with limited toppings. Onion, garlic, sesame, poppyseed and of course, bialys were always an option. The shine, the chew and the density were always consistent. And if you left them on the counter for more than a day, you could use them as door stoppers. There were no rainbow colors, asiago flavorings, or jalapeno cheddar bagels. They weren’t even a thought and who thought those up anyway? I’m all for culinary experimentation, but some things should be sacred.

Now don’t get me going on the size. Today, too many bagels are just too big. Size does matter, but bigger isn’t necessarily better. Who wants a bagel that’s fluffy? Bagels have no business being fluffy. They should be dense and chewy. You need to work those jaw muscles. And the calories attached to those monsters are off the charts. An average New York bagel today clocks in at a whopping 500 calories. And that’s before the scallion cream cheese gets added. Tack on another 200 for that, and then 300 for some lox. By the end of breakfast, you’re 1000 calories into your day and it’s only 9am. 

So now I feel bad about eating them. Something that was once a morning ritual has become the enemy. At least that’s what my hips say. So, what’s a girl to do? How does one live without bagels? First, I gave them up cold turkey. That was rough. I substituted some healthy green juice that put my system into so much shock that I couldn’t leave the house until noon for fear of cramps and its aftereffects. Occasionally I would crack and take out the bread in the center and just eat one half of a bagel, but that rarely was satisfying. How can I get my bagel fix without assaulting my body?

Enter the cottage cheese in baking rage. It sounds awful, but I attempted a go at making bagels using cottage cheese. Yes, it’s total sacrilege and the process is total unorthodox, but they came out surprisingly tasty. And at 200 calories a pop and some much needed protein, they satisfied my itch. The recipe is simple too — mix some flour, cottage cheese, baking powder and a few other ingredients, knead it, bake it and you’re good to go. Click here if you dare to try them: Cottage Cheese Bagels.